Post Natal

Her limbs were of lead
Attached to a wooden trunk

Everything about her seemed inanimate

Except her mind

Which was a tornado of panic

A whirlwind of imagined disasters.

The baby was in danger

From sharp things

From heavy things

From her own illogical rage

From all the things she could not be.

She had no tender coos for her baby

No kisses 

No infinite love

No affection that was not a facade

For the bottomless pit of her worry.

It took the greatest effort of her life

To turn on her side 

To the tiny hungry mouth

Keening for her breast.

Stranger

Suddenly I’m a stranger
You refuse to recognize
With no claim on your time
And no claim on your life.

And I guess that that’s fine
The world will not end
If you push me away
And brick up your eyes
And shutter up your mind.
It’s only that I know
How things could have been
If you had let me through
How things could have been
If you had let me in.

Suddenly I’m a stranger
But when I walk by
A flicker behind my eyes
Says you’re on my mind.

Friends

No one heard the shot
She fired into her heart.

The next day
At a new desk
On a new floor
From a planet shaped hole
In her heart
Her friends dripped away
Into the carpet
And stained the brand new fabric red.

A year later
When the bleeding finally stopped
There was an abandoned planet
In her heart.

the moment I had everything

Peace is my head on your shoulder.

Loss is when you get up.

Hope is the thing behind your eyes.

Pain is when the party’s over.

Happiness

She catches my eye
A little sparrow
Brown and ordinary
Among her richly colored friends.
Her bones are fragile
I am afraid she will break
If I hold her too tight.

But that’s a mistake
She slips out of my grasp
Like a hide and seeking child.

And for all my days after
All I have
Is my memories
Of how I once held her.

feather

Is it love
Or a dream of love
So slight
So small
That it flies away
At the whiff of a kiss.

a person is a person

I am worth more I shout
But they do not seem to hear
It is as though I am behind a soundproof barrier

I am worth more I cry
But they do not seem to see the tears

Through it all I remember my dream about you
Who thought my tears too precious to waste
Who hung on my every word like a tightrope walker
Who swore to love and to protect
Till death do us part.

But then I remembered that you too
Were a dream.

Relief

Your message throws into sharp relief
My loneliness
Desperation shines out of every word of my reply
I am too far gone to care
If I seem needy
My primary
Most primitive feeling
Is one of relief that you care.

Selfless

I have taken my pride and burnt it at the stake of your availability
I have laid out my self respect for you to wipe your feet on
I crave the slightest sign of your affection
Watch like a hawk for a smile
A loving word
An emoji
Anything
That shows you care.

Lately

Lately I have seen in your eyes a glow
That was not there before.

Like a hungry man watching food
Like a lonely man watching love
Pass him by on a plate.

All you have to do
Is reach out, my love.

All of me is for you.

craving

a trickle a taste a whiff of you
a dab a dash a kiss of you
i want a little piece of you
a nibble a drizzle a lick of you.

A worthy woman

She was something else
She drank with the boys
And told lies
And had fearless sex
And cigarettes
And everyone whispered
How shameless.

She was something else
She tore up her staff
And gave them hell
And worked harder
Than the best of them
And everyone whispered
How merciless.

She is something else
A haven of quiet
A place of rest
She calms her child
And guards her rest
And soothes her hurts
And counts this
Her greatest conquest.